Crabs in a bucket

by Paulo Coelho on October 19, 2011


BY Sarah Robinson
Early evening was one of my favorite times to walk the beach with my mom and my older brothers. We were all clean and fed and slightly sun weary but still desperate to be outside. So, we would grab flashlights, dip nets and a bucket and search the ocean’s edge for crabs.
More often than not, as a crab would begin to inch its way higher to the edge of the bucket, the other crabs would latch on to him and pull him back down.
I watched this scenario play out again and again, year after year.
Fast forward to this morning. As I was drinking my coffee and perusing my twitter stream, and up pops @paul0coelho (He wrote The Alchemist, one of my all time favorite books): “Only mediocrity is safe. Get ready to be attacked, and be the best.”
I did a quick google search and discovered that “Crab Mentality” is actually an official phrase that roughly means “if I can’t have it, neither can you.”
And it is talked about. A lot.
So now I’m thinking about the Escaping Mediocrity journey with this lens.
There will always be people who will subtly or not so subtly try to keep us from escaping. Why?
Because our escape threatens their mediocre existence.
Pulling us down, sabotaging our efforts, picking apart our brilliant ideas – all of that keeps them feeling safe. And living undisturbed mediocre lives.
So what if we added a new piece to the crab mentality picture?
Imagine a crab, or a group of crabs on the other side of the bucket building a ladder to aid your escape. They managed to crawl out of the bucket in spite of all the energetic attempts to pull them backwards.
Because they’ve tasted freedom and they know your struggle, they are putting energy into aiding and abetting your escape.
I believe that for those of us determined to get out of the bucket, such a group exists. It may take some time to find them, but they are there, ready throw a safety rope over the edge and pull us out.
Start listening for them. Start looking for them. They are there. Reach just a little further and they’ll meet you at the edge of the bucket.

Well friends, even I’ve seen these kinda crabs around me, and I feel really sorry for them n pity on ‘em as they are sadly mistaken about life.. I’ve been a victim of these kinda crabs n I often try to wake ‘em up so that they don’t continue living like crabs and at the same time they don’t harm or hurt others… But, I’ve also seen those bright crabs tryin to help you out to get out of the bucket and I am grateful to have got those crabs in my life.. :) So, always LiveStrong! and always keep looking for the bright crabs out there, coz they do exist.. ;)

Source: http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/10/19/crabs-in-a-bucket/comment-page-1/#comment-774763
And to read the full post, please visit http ://escaping-mediocrity.com/crabs-in-a-bucket/

Why Can't I Finish?

This is a great helpful article by Elizabeth Grace Saunders for every single person, who has some or the other problem of not being able to finish a work or a project.

They can only hide it from me for so long: Sometimes it takes a day, a week, or maybe a month—but eventually it comes out. The Fear of Finishing.As a time management life coach, I’ve found that many of my clients have a dread of finishing that they keep hidden away—hoping that no one will ever notice that they get a lot of little things done while never quite completing the really important stuff.

Whether it’s due to a rabid perfectionism, an aversion to criticism, or just an inability to maintain enthusiasm for the long haul, we all have challenges and fears we must overcome to produce work that matters. But pretending they don’t exist won’t get us anywhere.

Here’s a guide to diagnosing and treating what I’ve found to be four of the most common barriers to completion:

1. If You Believe Nothing Can Ever Really Be Good Enough to Be Finished

The mental battle: When you’re convinced that “settling” for anything less than a perfect-quality product is unacceptable, you tend to unconsciously lower your standards in many other areas. This could include missing deadlines, falling behind on other responsibilities and feeling stressed all the time.

What to do: Evaluate your overall performance. To clarify the cost of trying to do everything “ideally,” make a list of what else could suffer (sleep, relationships, emotional state?). Then, when you feel tempted to push closure off in the relentless pursuit of perfection, look at this list for a reminder to stop.

Here’s the kind of thought process that breaks the tunnel vision: I could stay up until 4 a.m. doing tweaks that no one else will notice, but then I’ll be useless for the next two days. Instead, I’m going to get the entire project to good enough and then give myself permission to obsess over the kerning of the characters in the logo until 8 p.m. (I want to be really proud of my typography.) Then, I’m stopping. Pushing myself to work later isn’t worth the cost to my health and overall productivity.

"Perfectionism can cause you to unconsciously lower your standards in other areas."

 2. If Finishing Seems Like You're Closing Off Options

 

The mental battle: When you feel constrained instead of liberated by the idea of finishing, crossing an item off your list can feel terrifying: What if you want to change your mind later? What if some new alternative arises? Unfortunately if you allow your fear of commitment to keep you from wrapping up your current work, you keep yourself from moving forward on new options by default.

What to do: Write a post-game plan. As soon as hesitation to finish starts to set in, you need to clarify the exact steps to complete the project and to pass seamlessly through to new opportunities. Brainstorming all of the possibilities that will open up once you move on from your current work will help you see that finishing actually creates new beginnings.  For instance, an entrepreneur could start a list of investors to show his finished business plan. A writer could research agents who could pitch her completed book proposal to publishers. And an artist could find out the call for entry deadlines for exhibitions that could feature his latest series.

"As soon as hesitation to finish starts to set in, clarify the exact steps to complete the project."

3. If You Lose Excitement Before Finishing A Project

The mental battle: Abandoning projects at 20%, 75%, or even 99% done adds up to 0% benefit. When you feel like giving up on a project because you’ve lost your enthusiasm, think about all of the effort that you’ve already put into it that you would have to exert again if you started fresh. Then imagine the (relatively) small amount of work required to drive your existing creative effort into the end zone.

What to do: Partner with persistent people. If you struggle with maintaining the energy to finish, individuals who insist (sometimes to the point of annoying you) on pushing through can be your greatest allies. Scheduled accountability and transparency gives you positive peer pressure to keep at it when your initial energy wanes.

Here’s how to make it a part of your routine: Break down your project into actionable, written goals such as: read the requirements, make note of important points, ask the client questions, etc. Then tell someone who prides themselves on follow through exactly what you will do and when.

This could look like you having a daily or weekly accountability meeting where you list off your progress, or it could look like you making a commitment to call or send an email with a status report when you hit a deadline.

For instance: On August 16, I will email my extremely detail-oriented friend to let him know that I’ve completed the rendering of the first architectural model. Because he’s super reliable, he’ll follow up with me if I don’t give him an update.

"Scheduled accountability and transparency gives you positive peer pressure to keep at it when your initial energy wanes."

4. If Finishing Feels Like Submitting Yourself to Criticism

The mental battle: Fear of judgment can keep you from turning in an assignment. But if you hide your work for too long, you deprive yourself of receiving valuable feedback and open yourself up to criticism for not delivering on time or for veering off track.

What to do: Reframe the situation or conversation. If you feel like your external success determines your internal worth, you will see the results of each new project as a judgment of your value as a human being. To help you overcome that mindset, you can say to yourself: I am a good______(graphic designer, writer, etc.). If they don't like the first draft I submit, I am not a failure. I need to step back from the situation, clarify what they want changed, think about how I can implement their suggestions, make the adjustments, turn it in again and move on.

Or if you don’t mind receiving feedback but need it communicated in a certain way, consider talking with your boss, co-workers, or even clients about how to constructively give their input. For instance, you could request that you initially receive comments via -mail before a meeting so you have the opportunity to process them before responding. Or you could say something like: I really appreciate it when you let me know you feel unsatisfied with a presentation. But it would help me to meet your needs if you could clarify what specific changes you want me to make instead of just telling me that you’re unhappy with what I showed you.

***

Victory shall be yours: With the right approach, you can push through to 100%.

-- 
How About You?

Do you have a fear of finishing?

Have you identified the root cause? How have you overcome it?

The Rickshaw-waala & the mesmerized IIT-ian! Incredible conversation!!

This one conversation between an IIT-ian and a Rickshaw-walla is delightfully interesting to read...! (courtesy: Aap Chutiye Hain!)

There were two rickshaw-walas vying for our business, when we wanted to go to Sankat-Mochan temple in Benaras. I agreed to go with the one, who was about 20 years of age, seemed like a regular young rickshaw-wala, but I found something interesting about him. I was not proved wrong.

He wanted Rs 50, we said Rs 30. We settled for Rs 40. Here are the highlights of the conversation that ensued, while we rode the rickshaw:

 
"Aap kahan se aaye hain?"

"Delhi." 

"Bijness, ya kaam karte hain?"

"Naukri karte hain."

"Kismein?" 

"Internet mein." I just chuckled.

"Humara bhi kuch wahin kaam lagwa dijiye. Main try kar raha hoon engineering padhne kee. Achchi naukri lag jaayegi tab."
 

"Achcha?" I asked a little interested.
 

"Haan, delhi mein Guru Gobind Singh Indraprashta University mein engineering ke liye apply kiya hai. Achchi hai woh university."
 

"Haan, achchi hai", I agreed. 

"Haan, kal hee maine JEE bhi diya." 

"JEE matlab, IIT ka?" 

"Haan, Joint Entrance Examination" he pronounced it perfectly. Just to make it clear to me what JEE stood for. "Mushkil hota hai exam." 

"Haan, 2 saal toh log padhte hee hain uske liye, asaan nahin hai." 

"Delhi mein Akaash coaching institute hain na?" He asked.

"Haan, hai." 

"Aapne kya padhai kee?"

"Main engineer hoon, aur phir MBA bhi kiya." 

"Kahan se engineer?"

"IIT Delhi se."
 

He swung back, surprised, a little delighted, and smiled. "Ok, aapke liye Rs 30." 

Swati and I laughed.

Swati asked "Padhai kab karte they IIT ke liye?" 

"Bas, rickshaw chalaane ke baad raat mein".

Then he added "Kismein engineering kee aapne?" 

"Chemical."

"Toh aapki Chemistry toh badi strong hogi." 

"Nahin, aisa nahin hai." 

He continued, "Yeh bataiye.. jab Mendeleev ne Periodic Table banaya tha tab kitne elements they usmein?"

Now it was my turn to get surprised. He was quizzing me. I said "Shayad 70-80."

"No, 63." he said sharply. "Kaunse element ki electro-negativity highest hai?" 

Swati was laughing, and I didnt try too hard and said, "Pata nahin."

"Flourine", he said confidently. Without a break he asked, "Kaunse element ki electron-affinity highest hoti hai?"

Now I was laughing too and said "Nahin pata." 

"Chlorine. toh aapka kaunsa subject strong tha?" clearly having proven that my chemistry wasn't a strong point. 

"Physics", I said. 

"Achha, Newton's second law of motion kya hai?"

I thought I knew this one. "F=ma", I said. 

"Physics is not about formula, it is understanding concept!",  he reprimanded me in near perfect English. "Tell me in statement." 

I was shocked. Swati continued to laugh. 

I said "Ok, Newtons second law, er...was...." 

" 'Was' nahin, 'is'! Second law abhi bhi hai!" he snapped at my use of 'was'!

Surely, my physics wasn't impressing him either. "Yaad nahin, I said" 

"Force on an object is directly proportional to the mass of the object and the acceleration of the object", he said it in near perfect English. "Aapne M.Tech nahin kiya?" 

"Nahin, MBA kiya." 

"MBA waale toh sirf paisa kamana chahte hain, kaam nahin karte."

"Nahin, aisa nahin hai, paisa kamaane ke liye kaam karna padta hai." Didn't think too highly of me apparently anymore. 

In a minute we reached our destination. We got off and I told him that he must and should definitely study more, and that I thought he was sharp as hell. He took only Rs 30, smiled and began to leave. I got my camera out and said "Raju, ek photo leta hoon tumhari". He waved me off, dismissed the idea and rode off before I could say anything more... leaving me feeling high and dry like a spurned lover. 

Damn, what a ride that was! India is changing, and changing fast. 

And so it goes on...!!! :)

 

LiveStrong!


(source: http://aapchutiyehain.blogspot.com/)

Youthpal Bill

If we want a Facebook or Google from India, we have to stop telling Johnny and Jyoti to "be good". The moment I walked into Christ College, Bangalore, I knew something was wrong. But I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Until a student giggled and whispered to me, "You are wearing jeans. We are not allowed." College without jeans? That's like Dabangg without Salman Khan. Is it even possible? The old fogeys seem to think so.

Welcome to the brave new college campus where "discipline" rules. Students will be less distracted if they are neatly dressed in T-shirts with collars and formal shoes. Girls, please don't leave your hair open and stick to salwar kameez. Now, nose in books.

Of course, we encourage innovation and entrepreneurship. Can't you see the shiny new incubation centre we have set up? Please feel free to disregard conventional thinking and come up with the next Facebook or Google. 

But no bunking classes, and complete your syllabus first. We are disabling the Internet connection after midnight, because we care about your future more than you do.

Our college had 100 per cent placement last year. Students got jobs in a wide variety of companies which require very little thinking but everyone has at least heard of the company names. It looks good in our brochure. We would very much like this trend to continue. 

Across India, from Kota to Kakinada, I have visited campuses where students are being moulded, into sheep. The kind of minds which will not think, or question, but accept what is told to them, instead of searching for answers from within.

"Be good and we will be good to you". That is the unspoken letter of blackmail posted into young hearts by their parents. Whether it's career choice or whom to marry, the Family Stamp of Approval still dictates dynamics. Surrender and you will get a pink laptop and study abroad and inherit the family business.

Who wants to be a rebel and lose all this? And yet, in moments of darkness, moments of doubt, the Young Indian knows there is something more out there, waiting to be discovered. A hidden potential, a secret spark. Ki hum bhi koi cheez hain, is duniya mein. Our time on this earth has made some difference. I see a small but growing band of young Indians taking the path of idealism. Breaking out of the "be good" box and breathing free. Some are leaving plum jobs to set up their own companies. Others are choosing the path of social entrepreneurship. Many more are thinking and dreaming of such options.

"Please help me, guide me, mentor me..." they write to me, after reading one or other of my books. Very well, I say, but remember there are no shortcuts on the path of Self-Actualisation. Unlike that Bournville chocolate bar, you really have to earn this.

Do not be fickle, do not be weak. Be steady on the path, and persevere. Your life is your life, liveit while you have it. Or, wear Levi's jeans and forever hold your peace.

Choose whichever path makes you happy. Just remember, you owe the same to your children. When it's their time and their day.

- Rashmi Bansal


Read more at: http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/rashmi-bansal-young-indians-taking-path-of-idealism-and-breaking-free/1/151568.html